starting again.

“You may not be able to start over but, you can start again.”
-Louie Giglio

There have been so many times in my life in which I’ve desired to start things over. For example, The 5k training on the Nike running app, I had started about four months ago, and still haven’t made it past day five, or the First5 (app) morning devotional study that I did so good on the month of October, until about the last two weeks; and if we got a bit more personal sometimes even my marriage, in which I feel like I could’ve been less selfish and more gentle with my sweet husband. So many flaws and imperfections, but what would be the point of starting over when I would probably continue doing the same thing?

This past Saturday Jay and I celebrated a year of marriage. One full year of changes, transitions, adjustments, and love. We went on a road trip (pictures below) and and a whole lot of reflecting took place. I thought about the hard days we had, the times I was more concerned about how I felt than understanding him, the days I questioned if the role of a wife was really for me without considering his new role, and it led me to want to just “fix it, start things over”

As I shared earlier I have a hard time following through on some things. And what I didn’t share was that with the Training app and First 5 app, I had started over many times and still failed to complete the tasks and devotions. Jay and I were listening to a message by Louie Giglio (link on bottom) and when I heard him share about his struggle with depression, and some dark moment’s in his life all I could do was nod in agreement.

You may not be able to start over but, you can start again.

We cannot allow the mistakes, failures, downfalls keep us down. We must keep pushing even if everything else says stop. I cannot rewind the hands back of time but while we are still alive, we can seek help, we can appologize, we can receive the fruits of the spirit and hand them out even to those who have treated us lower than low. We can start again.

So as I start this new day I commit to start again. When I want to nag at my husband for not doing things the way I wanted Him to,  I pray that I choose the fruit of gentleness to better communicate. When I feel bitterness and anger towards hurt from the past I pray The Lord humbles me and reminds me to put that bitterness away and put on kindness. When I lose motivation to run, and get fit, I pray that I have an accountability partner (other than my app) to remind me to be consistent. And finally, when I grow weary and find myself down in the pits of life I remember to rest in the loving arms of Jesus Christ who will renew my strength, give me grace and courage to start again.

Louie Giglio Sermon- When Darkness Falls

But the fruit of the Spirit is love, joy, peace, patience, kindness, goodness, faithfulness,  gentleness, self-control; against such things there is no law.
Galatians 5:22-23

Let all bitterness and wrath and anger and clamor and slander be put away from you, along with all malice. Be kind to one another, tender-hearted, forgiving each other, just as God in Christ also has forgiven you.
Ephesians 4:31-32

Iron sharpens iron,
So one man sharpens another. 
Proverbs 27:17

Yet those who wait for the Lord Will gain new strength; They will mount up with wings like eagles, They will run and not get tired, They will walk and not become weary.
Isaiah 40:31

Let us not lose heart in doing good, for in due time we will reap if we do not grow weary.
Galatians 6:9

Psalm 84:11

As I seek to find victory in my own struggles this truth seems to get more real and fitting as days go by.

“The Lord is a sun”
He’s my sun: bright, warm, and comforting Giver of life.
“and shield:”
Not only does He comfort me but, surrounds me with His protection.  He provides safety during times of comfort and times of crisis.
“The Lord gives grace and glory “
I hardly paid attention to this part of the verse because I would always skip to the next phrase. This morning I looked at a variety of devotionals that shared on this passage and as I continued reading I realized that many writers put much emphasis on this specific part: “The Lord gives grace and glory” Suddenly I realized why I would always skim through it; I’ve been struggling to believe it. Although I say it, I haven’t been applying this truth to my life. I struggle to trust that The Lord gives grace and glory to me. And when I’m doubting Him, the more I lean towards disbelief and it becomes harder to believe the truth. The truth is that The Lord gives grace and glory not just when we are doing well but, when we are walking ahead of him on our own agenda. He will give grace in whatever way or form to everyone.
He will give grace to believers because they seek it, to sinners because they need it.  And as he’s given us grace, glory is alongside. Some say honor and respect, others view it as the sweet promise of eternal life. Regardless, Hope is alive! And we can cling to the truth that God gives grace and glory, while comforting us and providing safety in this life of ours.
Now for the part that really caught my attention:
“No good thing does He withhold from those who walk uprightly”
God is a good God. I think a lot of times when I’m not walking uprightly, I’m not thinking straight. So walking uprightly, what does it really look like? That doesn’t necessarily mean ripping the runway every time. But it means, “walking in a manner worthy of the Lord, to please Him in all respects, bearing fruit in every good work and increasing in the knowledge of God” Colossians 1:10

In this stage of life, walking uprightly means surrendering my hurt, pride, and bitterness to Jesus. It means denying myself, and following Him. It means admitting that I need Jesus. It means loving the unlovely and extending grace to those who have wronged me.
As I continue to chew on this truth and take time to reflect, I pray that this truth continues tearing down the walls in my heart that lead me to continual surrender.
I also hope this brings encouragement your way.

new reasons.

Expect to have hope rekindled.
Expect your prayers to be answered in wondrous ways.
The dry seasons in life do not last. The spring rains will come again.
Sarah Ban Breathnach

Life is a series of seasons.
Though some are easier to cope with than others, we can’t escape from them. Ecclesiastes 3:1 says,
” To everything there is a season and a time for every event under heaven”
The cold, dry, gloomy days have just as much purpose as the warm, refreshing, spring rains; and the hot, summer days are just as meaningful as the crisp, autumn evenings. There’s been several times in which I’ve gotten frustrated at the unforeseen wind-chill, rainstorms, and dry seasons that life “randomly” throws at us. I’ve been learning that though sometimes it may feel uncomfortable, each season has a purpose and those  “surprising days” usually are the ones who truly expose me to who I really am.

Over the past couple of months Jay and I have been walking through a cycle of life change. We’ve been married for about five months and as we continue to learn the meaning of marriage, we have also made decisions that will greatly impact our future endeavors. (I’ll go into further detail on the next blog post) Through this process, Jay and I have encountered dry and gloomy days that seasons of change bring. I can admit that there have been many days in which I’ve failed to see the beauty and meaning of this dry period in my life. I’ve let stress, words, the responses of others, and my own insecurity dominate the way I view the season I’m walking through. Now I’m not saying this because I’m expecting everyone including myself to walk through trying times with a smile every day. (That’s impossible) Dry moments weren’t created for our own comfort, but for the sole purpose of refining our character and growing us in faith.  During this phase in life, I’m reminded of Proverbs 27:19 which says, “As in water face reflects face, So the heart of man reflects man.” These challenges in life reflect the many issues in my heart. If I can be completely transparent, my heart has been drowning in fear, doubt, and discontentment. I’ve been so focused on the “what ifs” and “whys” that my perspective has been merely devoted to worry. Though this isn’t necessarily the “highest pinnacle” in my life I’m thankful because, for once I’ve been compelled, to shift my way of thinking in order to take full advantage of the opportunities of growth and maturity that’s are in front of me.

A couple weeks ago Jay and I had the privilege of leading a group of people on a missions trip to Guatemala. During our time there we were mutually challenged, encouraged, and refreshed. Let’s just say if I can go back for a couple more weeks.. I would in a heartbeat! The country is beautiful (as you can see in the pictures) and the people are quite charming. We fell in love with their kindness, selflessness, and sweet joy. Some of the people that we had the chance to interact with were just so admirable, they had nothing, but at the same time had it all because they trusted God with absolutely everything.

I had an amazing conversation with one of the missionaries in Guatemala named Silvia.  Silvia shared with Jay and I that she and her husband had been working for the organization for about sixteen years. The first fourteen years they were working part time but, for the past two years they had taken a leap of faith and started working as full time missionaries. I was deeply moved by her testimony; I watched her eyes sparkle as she shared how her passion for the youth was birthed through the trauma of losing her child. Silvia wept, and confessed that  she and her husband had been planning the trip we were on for weeks, with no funds to pay for it. She shared how she believed God would provide, but she also doubted His faithfulness. The day before our group arrived to Guatemala, her church had taken up a love offering and paid for her entire trip AND provided a full-tank vehicle for our road trip. Now if that doesn’t make you want to jump out of your skin, you may have to read that again. Silvia and her husband had doubts but she believed that God would provide. They are currently dreaming on becoming missionaries in a different region in Guatemala but it will take prayers and about four hundred dollars of monthly support to make the move. Silvia encourages me because though she has BIG dreams to serve The Lord and doesn’t necessarily have the means she rests on the fact that God is Sovereign and regardless of the current challenges, He was and is still good.

Silvia and her husband Carlos

It is so easy for me to make up my own endings before things even happen. Forming battles in my mind comes second nature to me and it’s just as easy to overreact and give in to my emotions. But, tis so sweet to trust in Jesus.  To know that He will keep me in perfect peace when my mind is steadfast on Him , is such a breath of fresh air. (Isaiah 26:3) I’ve titled this blog new reasons, because these sweet reminders and the dear story of Silvia have encouraged me to face these storms knowing that God has a purpose behind it and because He is good I can trust that what seems good to Him is the very best for me.
cheers to new seasons & the new reasons!

Until next time,

relishing moments.

moments.
defined as “a very brief period of times.”
The bible compares life to vapor, appearing one moment and gone the next. (James 4:14)
Many things can happen during these “moments” of life,
so how do we fully grasp these times?
As I sat in the living room trying to figure out how to unravel my thoughts
and share the reasoning behind the name of this blog,
my husband shared this quote with me:

There’s a lesson in everyday unfortunately,
I have a well establish habit of falling asleep in class.
Nate Larki

I’m so guilty of missing out because I’ve fallen asleep. In fact I love to sleep.
I miss out on relishing moments because I choose to dream away.
Relish? No, I do not speak of the green flavoring that goes on hot dogs.
but to relish, meaning to enjoy greatly, to embrace.

The first time I ever heard the saying “relish the moments” was from a song called “Blue Skies” – Natalie Lauren. I listened to this song as I struggled preparing for my wedding. By the way, No one ever really tells you how challenging engagement season is. In fact being engaged was one of the most challenging times of Jay and I’s relationship. So many things were happening and I just didn’t know how to enjoy engagement period without accepting the fact that there were things beyond my control.
I remember two weeks before the wedding, Jay and I were walking through a conflict that lead to a real conversation. By the end of our talk, we agreed to Trust The Lord and let our actions show what we believe. In other words, Let our actions speak what we believe. As we began taking action in what we both agreed to do, it was then when I truly began to seize the moment. We were getting married within the next two weeks, and I had wasted so much time trying to take matters into my owns hands which didn’t do anything but stress me out.
I learned how to truly embrace and enjoy the moment I was in.

The only way I can (we can) genuinely relish the moments life brings are when Christ is the center of it all. ALL meaning –
He is FIRST in my Finances, Interests, Relationships, Schedule and Time.
When I put Him first, everything else falls into place,
and I am able to fully enjoy whatever season in life I face.

relish the moments.
because life is nothing but a vapor.
& you do not want to miss out on the lessons these moments of life bring.
Make the most of every opportunity (Ephesians 5:15-16)

with that said, I share with you a moment I will never stop relishing;
my wedding day.

Until next time,